See you soon?

See you soon? What?? Yeah, that was the final sentence I typed in my last blog post. Nothing unusual about it. Well, that was over

For those of you that understand procrastination as well as I do, you know it can be comforting as well as annoying. It causes your conscience to gnaw at you, but then proceeds to soothe the situation with its own salve of acceptance. It's really an emotional Push-Me-Pull-You! At first, I thought about the blog every once in awhile, intending to roll up my sleeves, make a bunch of excuses, and get back into the rhythm of it. But that didn't happen. (Oh, don't worry. I HAVE excuses. Read on.) But after awhile, I thought it would be easier to stop blogging, than to feel bad about ignoring it. But really, I don't like to give up on anything. And then... well... LIFE. 

Most people want to forget all about 2020, and move ahead with a brand new, potentially better year. Well, I'll also throw in 2019 as a year I'd just as soon forget. July 31, 2018 was the last time I posted a blog entry. I don't remember what was going on the second half of 2018 that caused me to be absent, but skipping a few months was quite normal for me. And then came 2019.....

My husband had a stroke on the evening of March 12th, 2019. He'd started using weird words that evening. When he tried to tell me about a "flonk", I had to remind him, "Sweetie, I don't speak Klingon!" But that was our clue that he needed help. A hurried drive to the nearest hospital was followed by a seriously expensive helicopter flight to a serious medical facility! It was an intracranial hemorrhage (ICH), and resulted in several weeks' hospitalization at a combination of facilities in Austin, Texas. On the night it happened, Bill's blood pressure was 250/? (I don't recall the bottom number.) His brain had no choice but to spring a leak!

Thanks to the expertise and care of many greatly skilled people, Bill survived, and returned home by May. He had no outwardly physical signs of having had a stroke, like speech impediment, no limp or facial droop. He just had severe short-term memory loss. And now, just under two years later, his memory still suffers quite a bit. But, by golly, if you were to ask him a question about early Star Trek trivia, he'll produce the correct answer in a heartbeat! Just don't ask him what he did yesterday. He won't remember.

During the grueling daily grind of driving back and forth to the hospitals all those weeks, I was encouraged by the gradual progression of things in the positive direction. I also know that the prayers of a lot of people were at work. A few small milestones come to mind, as my favorite parts. Hubby had been non-responsive for a few days, early in the ordeal. I felt lucky if I could get him to open his eyes. But when he finally came out of this state, the nurses told me to only ask him 'yes' or 'no' questions for awhile. They said he may give me a nod or shake of the head at first, but he'd eventually get to the point of one-word answers. One day I was flipping through the television channels and came across a sci-fi channel that I thought he might like. I asked him if that was something he'd care to watch. As I waited for a nod of his head, or possibly a murmured response of  "yeah" or "uh-huh", I was overjoyed to hear him clearly say, "Indubitably!"

On another occasion, Bill was asking for a drink of water. Since he was a choke risk, the nurses told me he couldn't have any. He kept asking though, and I repeatedly told him I couldn't give him any. "Yes you can!", he exclaimed. I was thrilled that we'd moved on to two and three word phrases by now. But I couldn't oblige him. "No, I can't", I replied. "Yes you CAN!"..."No, I can't"... etc. Finally, unsatisfied with my answers, Bill frowned and very slowly (with great enunciation) said, "Then kindly fetch me a medical attendant."

So, that momentous and traumatic life occurrence resulted in my husband and provider no longer being able to provide. I went back to work at Art Connections Gallery where I'd worked previously, only it had moved to a town farther away. Still, it was a pleasure to be back there, working in such a beautiful space. It only started with four hours a week (that's all there was to offer me), but before long, I was working two days a week, and then three. It was only part time, but somehow, we managed. We learned to sacrifice and become more frugal. Although life got much harder, I was just happy not to be a widow!

To supplement my small paychecks, I spent most of my free time generating beadwork to sell through the gallery and other venues. I made several new Boot Halters, a new style of necklace with macrame links, and I added earrings to my repertoire.

I turned out one new piece of artwork in 2020. And then COVID hit, and everyone's lives became more challenging. Honestly, I don't think it affected me as much as most people. For one thing, I love staying home, and I've never had a shortage of things to work on. My husband is also very content to spend the day at home. We're both 'only children', so we've always known how to entertain ourselves. 

My phone rang this past May 3rd, a Sunday. By the caller ID, I could see it was my Dad. He often called, or he was always the one to answer the phone when I'd call their house. But this time, when I answered, my mom was on the line, and I immediately knew there was a reason to be concerned. She said my Dad had collapsed, and he was in the hospital. His heart had stopped. I won't go into all the details, but in a nutshell, his problem stemmed from a severe allergic reaction, and he had accidentally eaten something the night before that caused his heart to race, beat irregularly, and ultimately skip such a long beat that it was like it had stopped. (He's had these food allergies for years, and he suffers from these episodes once in awhile, but they'd always been mild enough to tolerate, until now.)  This time, it was severe, and resulted in a total collapse. They called it a combination of anaphylaxis, arrythmia, and atrial fibrillation. It could've killed him. He blacked out and hit the floor, causing two bad breaks in his ankle. He couldn't move when he regained consciousness. He thought his neck was broken, as well as his back. So, paramedics came, stabilized him, and took him to the hospital. I drove all night (a 12-hour trip) to be there with my mom as soon as possible. She has been more or less confined to a wheelchair for a couple of years now, so she couldn't be left alone. Dad spent several days in the hospital, then was in a wheelchair awhile, got a cast on his leg, then it came off, and he continued to get stronger. (It turned out that he didn't have a broken neck or back. Just his ankle was mangled.) But now he's doing very well, he's been on meds, and as long as he watches much more closely what he eats, he should be good. But it became obvious, through this whole ordeal, that it was time I stepped in to help.

So a couple months ago, my husband and I moved to Missouri to take care of them. We don't exactly fit into my parents' house, with our belongings, but somehow we're making it work. With both of them in their 90's, they felt like I might as well get settled in this house, as I'll be inheriting it one of these days. We have some remodeling projects planned, so I get to weigh in on the improvements. I love that kind of thing!

Obviously, this blog post hasn't been my normal display of creativity. (It isn't even creatively written.) But these times are anything but normal. Just when I had all the time in the world, I couldn't clear my head enough to create any artwork. Finessing a pencil was a little too delicate. I could do beadwork, but only in short spurts. It didn't seem fair to basque in my own solitude and creative joy when I knew someone out there was fighting for life, or taking their last breath. (My Multiple Creativity Disorder was definitely in remission, which isn't the positive prognosis it sounds.) But what IS positive is the future! I continue to have a lot of time at home, while assisting my parents, and all this free time is about to turn into creations which I'll report on soon.

And this time, I mean SOON!